The Life You Save Might Be Your Own
by Zarathustra1030
Summary: How a simple jog can save your own life. AO
1. Chapter 1

The Life You Save Might Be Your Own

Pairing: Alex/Olivia

Law and Order SVU: I own nothing

I was in the middle of my morning jog, when I saw her. She was standing on the sidewalk talking with some tall, dark and handsome guy. God she is so amazingly beautiful. Instantly, I felt a pang of jealousy shoot through my body. I have to constantly remind myself that she isn't mine. We are just friends, and if friendship is all I can have then I will settle for that. I should have noticed that her posture wasn't right, but of course I was focused more on my jealousy at that moment than the fact that Alex posture screamed that she was uncomfortable.

I started jogging toward Alex after I realized she might be in an uncomfortable conversation. I keep telling myself I was just going to make sure she was okay, and I was trying hard not admit to myself my real motive, which were to break up whatever relationship she might have with this guy. I know that my mind is working on overdrive, but I just get so damn jealous. Operation get Alex to fall in love with me is commencing.

Anyway as I am making my way over to Alex, I notice finally that something is not right. Tall, dark and handsome looks vaguely familiar and….'Holy shit'

I pick up my speed and leap toward Alex covering her body with my own just as the gun fires, I feel a sharp pain shoot through my body, but at that instance all that mattered was Alex. After I see the suspect begin to run, I immediately run after the shooter, but my side aches, and my inter monologue immediately respond 'God I hate getting shot!' As I place my hand over my lower side it feels sticky, but I keep running. Finally, I catch up with the shooter. I leap toward him (I do a lot of leaping), and instantly reach for my non-existent cuffs, 'Shit.' This is really not my day. So I do the only thing I can do, I punch the living crap out of the guy, who by now I realized is the perp we collared three years ago for molesting his son. When I pretty sure the guy is out cold, I turn around to see Alex hovering over me.

"Olivia…." She's staring at me like I've been shot or something.

"Oh crap" I have been shot, how does this woman make me forget I'm bleeding internally.

"Hey Alex, how are you?" I manage to say before I passing out.


	2. Phase 2

Chapter 2

I can hear voices talking, but I can't see anything. For the life of me I can't open my eyes, but then I hear her voice. She sounds really upset. She's yelling at someone. The voice sounds so familiar. Then the thought strikes me…'Oh crap, I'm dead.' I don't see a white light or anything, but I can't open my freaking eyes. This just sucks, how could I die before telling Alex how I feel. Great! After about thirty seconds of berating myself, I decided to try and open my eyes again.

Okay can you imagine opening your eyes after just getting shot and seeing an angel sitting next to you? I guess I did really die. Wait, that's not an angel well she is an angel, but that is Alex. She's yelling at Elliot about some guy being released and nobody being informed. Poor Elliot, I guess he did something wrong. I wonder what guy she's talking about. Just then my memories catch up with me. The guy they are talking about is the guy who tried to shoot Alex.

I open my eyes a little wider, and immediately her set of gorgeous blue eyes are focusing on me. I manage to croak out "Funny meeting you here" before both she and Elliot are screaming for a doctor. I keep insisting that I am all right, and I try to sit up, when I quickly realize that was a horrible idea. My side aches, I feel like I am going to be sick.

"Calm down Liv" Elliot says as he gently pushes my shoulder down.

"Olivia, do you remember what happened" This time it was Alex speaking. I almost forgot the question because I was studying her.

It takes me a while to reply because I am replaying all the past events over again in my head, but eventually I reply saying, "He almost shot you" I say this looking directly into her eyes.

Alex is about to reply, when the doctor comes in and asks everyone to leave. I could have sworn I saw Alex blush a little. Why was she blushing, oh yeah, because I was the one shot protecting her. Good God this woman keeps making me forget I was shot. She could be some form of natural anesthesia. I need to remember to take her with me when I have to go to the doctor. Someone should look into that.

I have only been conscious for five minutes, but I am so ready to get out of here. I hate all thing related to hospitals. I guess it is because my job involves having to see broken women and children in hospitals. I really can't wait to get the hell out of here.

Anyway, the doctor pokes and prods me for a good ten minutes before telling me that I was shot. Wow, this guy is on the ball. I ask him how long I would have to remain in the hospital.

"I would suggest a week, but from looking over your charts, it seems you have a knack for getting out of the hospital before your recommended stay is up"

I give him give him the patented Benson half-smile and say "So when will it be relatively safe for me to leave. I don't particularly want to die, but I really hate hospitals"

He looks over my chart once more, and then says "Two days minimum, but someone will need to stay with you at all time for at least a week" Then he slowly turned around to leave, but before existing the room, he said "Oh and I'm going to recommend to your superior at least a two weeks off, and then one week of desk duty." Then he quickly existed the room. Maybe he wasn't so dense after all because if he had been standing next to my bed, like he was when I asked about discharging me, I would have popped all my stitches trying to kill him. What the hell was I supposed to do with two weeks off? Shit, the only thing I hate worse than being shot is being bored.

Alex and Elliot enter the room shortly after the doctor's exist. I can feel the tension between them. Elliot says that the Cap has given him a few days off to take care of me, but that it would only be for a few days. "I'm not sure what we will do with you after my days off are up" Elliot looks like he is hard at work thinking, but I know Elliot too well, and he inexplicably knows about my feeling for Alex.

Alex suddenly pipes in that she could take a few days off to help take care of me. I am about to say something when I realize I have passed out. I can distantly hear Elliot tell Alex that he needed to do some paper work back at the 1-6, but he would be back later.

"Don't worry Elliot, I already called Donnelly and told her about today. She gave me the day off. So I will stay with her today." She pauses before saying, "I am sorry about earlier. I was just really scared for Liv" He nods, and then leaves. Oh, Elliot and his silent acceptance of apologies.

Getting shot really makes you tired, but before I am completely unconscious, I feel Alex take my hand and say, "I am going to take care of you, and help you forget you were ever shot"

Little does she know that when I look at her I not only forget that I was shot, but I also forget my name and my basic motor skills. This is going to be one hell of a week. Operation make Alex fall in love with me, phase 1 complete commencing phase 2.

I vaguely remember wondering if getting shot is really the easiest way to make someone fall in love with you. Maybe I should have just asked her…but before I can complete that thought I slip into the realm of unconsciousness.


	3. Chapter 3

Two days later:

I was finally released from the hospital. Thank God I was released because if I had to endure another doctor or nurse prod me I was going to shoot someone. Seriously, can't they at least blow on their hands before touching me?

Elliot, true to his word, came by to pick me up right as I was released, but the car ride was uncharacteristically quiet. So in my drugged up stupor, I decided to broach the subject.

"So El, why so glum chum?" I say with a loopy grin on my face. What kind of drugs do they have me on? At least that elicited a small smile.

"What kind of drugs do they have you on?" I let out a small laugh, and cringed at the pain in my side. Okay note to self, no laughing because it hurts like a bitch.

"I am on drugs, lots and lots of drugs." I say in a sing- song voice. I think I might be drooling; maybe I should have stayed in the hospital a little longer.

Anyway, I look over at Elliot, who has a slight smile on his face, but he briefly turns to me, and says, "You could have died. Shit, Liv you did die, they had to shock you back."

This information shocks my drug-riddled mind. I really did die. No wonder everyone was so tense when I woke up, and no wonder Elliot is so concerned about me. Not to mention Alex taking time off to take care of me. I am pretty sure the last time she took time off was during her gestation period in her mother's womb, and that's only a rumor.

"I'm sorry El, I just, I just" I begin to stammer, mostly from the drugs, but I'm partially stuttering because I just don't know what to say. How do you tell your Catholic partner that you are in love with a woman? It's about as easy as telling a southern Baptist mother that her daughter like girls.

"You just couldn't let anything happen to her" And with those simple words everything I felt for Alexandra Cabot was on the table.

I didn't know what to say, so I just repeated his words "I just couldn't let anything happen to her." After I said those words, the entire conversation ceased, but mainly because I passed out again. What drugs do they have me on? Oh yeah heavy ones, because I was shot.

Several hours later:

After reentering the realm of the conscious, I find my self laying in the Stabler's non-existent guest room, which from looking around the room I determine it to be Maureen's room. From what I can tell, Elliot…no probably Kathy has rearranged the room so as to make it the most accessible for me. God bless that woman.

I try to sit up, but I quickly become aware that my heavy dosage of drugs has worn off, and I fall back into bed with huff and a slight scream. Not a girly scream, but a scream non-the-less. I hear a scramble from the other side of the door, and Kathy busted into my room like a member of the SWAT team.

"Are you okay?" Her voice sounds slightly panicked. I guess Elliot told her I almost, no, that I did die.

"Yeah, Kath, I'm fine. I just think my drugs wore off. Do you think I could have some more of that stuff?"

"Of course, Elliot got called in, but I told him to go because I am off today." She sits on the edge of the bed with a glass of water she retrieved from the bathroom and a handful of pills. God I love those pills. Anyway, I take the pills from her hand, and I quickly down them.

"Thank you. Thanks for letting me stay here, and tell Maureen I'm sorry for taking her room."

"You are always welcome here Liv" She says this as she is exiting the room. "Sweet dreams"

Before I fall asleep, I hear the voices outside my room. The Stabler home is always active and always full of children laughing or fighting, but this is a home, not just a house or in my case an apartment. I hear the front door slam, and the booming voice of my partner, who is quickly quieted down.

"Sorry, I didn't know she was asleep"

"It's okay, She woke up in pain, but I gave her antibiotics and her pain pills"

"Thanks for taking care of her babe"

"Not a problem at all. So should I ask about your day?"

"Probably not, but thanks anyway. Did I tell you how much I love you today yet?"

"No, no I don't think so"

"Well I do"

I can hear one of the kids say "eww", so I am assuming that Elliot and Kathy were kissing. In my drugged up stupor, I have a revelation. I think about my life and how I would love to come home to someone everyday especially after watching a rapist go free or seeing a five year old whose life will never be the same. I would love to come home to Alex. I want a family, and I want someone to love. Wait, I do love someone. It is at that instance that I realize I took a bullet for Alex. I took a freaking bullet for her.

Before I drift off, I slowly say to no one "I love you Alex, and I hope to God that you love me"


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Pairing: A/O

I own nothing

Four day later:

My last day as Elliot and Kathy's houseguest has arrived, and I am nervously awaiting Alex to come pick me up. Okay nervously awaiting is an understatement I am a fucking wreck. I fell in the shower this morning because I was thinking about Alex, which is probably because I was thinking about her in the shower with me, but that is beside the point. After coming to my revelation that I love Alex, I have been a little out-of-sorts. Oh and I was shot six days ago.

Every time I think about her, I get this goofy smile on my face, which if you don't look at carefully can be misconstrued as a goofy drugged up smile. Thank God no one has been looking carefully. I love Alex; I am in love with Alex. Wow this feels great, and I am not even on my heavy meds anymore. Through all this musing, I must not have heard someone knock on the door, so when Alex poked her head in the room, in stead of saying "hi" or "Hey, Alex" I said:

"I love you." Oh shit, shit, shit, shit!! What did I just do? Elliot must have been two-steps behind her because suddenly he walked into the room. Luckily I am quick on my feat, well maybe not on my feet these past few days, but I quickly recovered from blurting out my undying love for Alex by saying,

"I love you too Elliot!" Then Kathy walked in behind Elliot.

"I love you too too Kathy!" Then I finished hastily the put together improvisation with a big fake goofy drug induced smile.

All three of my caregivers turned their backs to me, but I could still hear them whispering.

"How much drugs do they have her own? Maybe a better question would be what the hell do they have her own" I could her Alex asking as she whispered.

Elliot and Kathy looked confusingly at her. And Kathy replied "Actually she hasn't been taking the heavy meds lately, but she did fall in the shower this morning."

I could just barely make out Elliot's response to his wife's news "Maybe you should go count the number of pills she has left. She might have taken too many. She seems pretty drugged up, I mean look at that smile."

All at once the huddled group turn around and stare at me briefly, and luckily I still have that goofy smile glued to my face, and I say, "What, can't a lady say she loves people, without the Sppanish innquisithions, inquisition" and I skillfully slur the last few words.

Kathy leaves the rooming saying something to the effect of "I'll go count those pills." And Elliot turns to Alex, and says that he will get my stuff together for her and put it in her car.

Alex nervously walks toward my bed. I am pretty sure she thinks I am going to try and kiss her, and to be perfectly honest, I would like nothing more than to grab her and kiss the crap out of her. I refrain though.

"So Olivia, how are you?" She asks awkwardly. I am beginning to wonder whether she wishes she could recant her offer to take care of me. So I do the only thing a slightly drugged up cop, who is in love, and has recently been shot can do. I ask her.

"Alex, I could just go home, you know. I will be fine really. It's not big deal. It was nice of you to offer to watch out for me, but" Before I could finish the sentence, she cuts me off by placing her hand on my shoulder.

"Olivia, I am sorry if I gave you that impression. I am just not the extremely nurturing type, but I really want to take care of you. I mean for God's sake you did save my life." Wow, I really do keep forgetting I was shot. I really think this woman is magic.

"Are you sure you are not just using me as an excuse to take a couple days off?" I teasingly question her.

Then she does this thing that makes me weak in the knees, that is if I were standing. Man, I wish that I could get shot everyday. She looks into my eyes, and conveys all her feelings, shooting her thoughts straight into my soul.

"Please let me take care of you."

I am speechless, so I just nod my head in agreement. I love this woman with every fiber of my being. Okay this is it, just say it Olivia, for God's sake you already did. Say it.

"Alex…I"

Elliot has the most impeccable timing. He opens the door to my makeshift quest room, and says, "Alex, everything is all set. All her stuff is in your car, and I went by her apartment yesterday to pick up some more of her cloths. So, she should be all set. Kathy wants to talk to you about her meds, and changing the dressing on her abdomen."

"Thank you Elliot. Alright Olivia, I will see you downstairs."

I look over to Elliot as Alex exists the room, and before I can say anything he says, "I love you too too too Olivia" This man knows me too well, and it is really starting to bug me.

"Ha, Ha. Jesus Elliot sometimes it feels like you are in my head. How did you know I wasn't just really drugged up?"

"The smile is different. The smile you were wearing when Kathy and I walked in was the 'Alex smile' as Kathy and I started calling it"

I should have known that I couldn't keep anything from Elliot. I really thought no one could tell the difference. Oh well, I guess these meds might be effecting me more than I thought.

"It's okay, I only noticed after Kathy pointed it out." Damn that woman and her insightful mother's intuition thingy.

He walked over to the bed, and sat down. He hugged me, and then put his arm around my waist to help me stand up.

"Are you going to be okay?" He asked this question sincerely, and I think he was also alluding to Alex and I.

I answered as honestly as I could. "I am not sure, but I really hope so" He nods and we slowly walk down the stairs.

I have slowly grown to loath stairs in the last four day, and I hope I will not have to climb any anytime soon. Then I see her at the bottom of the stair smiling up at me okay maybe stairs aren't so bad.

"Ready" Alex asks.

I reply "As I will ever be" And we slowly make our way to her car. I stop at the top of the driveway. She looks at me, and says "What?"

I shift my body slowly, and say "Alex, freaking, Cabot has a truck? Are you going to put me in the truck bed and tie me down with bungee cords so I don't fly out on the interstate?"

She laughs, not a smile snicker or a polite laugh, but a full on belly laugh. She throws her head back, and just laughs. "What medication_ do_ they have you on?"

I smile the big and goofy 'Alex smile' and we get into her truck.

She helps me in, and says "Actually this isn't my car, my car is in the repair shop because some crazy man decided to take a bat to it."

"Is this the same crazy, who tried to put a bullet in you"

"One in the same"

"Well I think the truck suits you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Alex puts the truck in gear, and we head toward her apartment, but before we leave Elliot's driveway, she turns to me and says, "This is going to be an interesting few days isn't it?"

But of course I can't answer because I have fallen asleep. I am really counting down the days till I can walk twenty feet, and not fall asleep and be completely exhausted. I feel Alex's hand on mine, and hear her whisper "Sweet Dreams, Liv"

I smile in my sleep and think phase two complete commencing phase 3.


	5. Chapter 5

First, let me say thank you for all the wonderful reviews. You guys are awesome. I love, absolutely love reviews. I am the review monster, which is closely related to cookie monster. I live off of reivews!

Second, let me say sorry for taking so long to update. I have had a hectic few weeks, and I am finally done with me semester.

Third, I want to dedicate this chapter to my greatest friend François, who is my flashlight because she shines what is good in me.

Now on to the next chapter in The Life You Safe Might Be Your Own!!

P. S. I own nothing

I wake up to the gentle prodding of none other than the lovely and unbelievably sexy Alexandra Cabot. This time I know I am drooling. She is saying my name, and gently rubbing my shoulders.

"Olivia, Olivia…We are at my apartment. Can you open your eyes for me sweetie?"

My heart soars when she calls me sweetie, and I slowly begin to regain consciousness. I smile the big goofy 'Alex smile,' and she smile back at me.

"Are you ready to get out of the car?"

I nod at her in response. She gets out of her truck. Ha, Alex, freaking, Cabot has a truck. She walks to the other side of the car and helps me out, and just as my feet are on the pavement, this kid in a black hoodie runs by us and grabs Alex's purse. Great, just great, and before I know what is happening, I am tackling the kid in the hoodie. I am pretty sure this will not help my recovery from a bullet wound in my abdomen, but I swear to God I would do anything for this woman. I reach for my cuffs, which again are non-existent. I punch the kid once squarely in the jaw, and then role over on my back. Why do I keep forgetting I was recently shot?! Then I look up into two mesmerizing blue eyes, and think to myself, "OH YEAH!"

Alex gets to her knees, and as I am still lying on the pavement, I hold up her stolen purse.

"Oh, my God LIV! I think you popped your stitches"

I look down at my previously clean shirt, which is now stained with my blood, and all I manage to say before passing out is:

"I got your purse, Alex"

I slowly gain consciousness, and look around.

"For Christ's sake, WHYAM I BACK IN THE HOSPITAL"

"Relax, Olivia, I just brought you in so they could stitched you back up" Alex replies and she seems flustered and frankly a little angry.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to yell" I say, and I know I feel guilty, and I am not exactly sure why I do.

"Alex, you look upset. You okay?" I tentatively ask.

"Liv, will you please stop risking your life. It is terribly draining to watch you pass out, and be completely convinced that you have died, yet again."

I shake my head in a yes motion, and when I try to look into Alex's eyes, she averts them. She hides her eyes from me, like she is attempting to hide from me, but I see the worry. My heart fills with love for this woman because if she is worrying it means she cares about me. Yeah, she cares about me not dying! Inside my head I am doing the robot happy dance, which if you have never seen is completely awesome.

I again make the mistake of trying to sit up, and I let out a small scream, which let me reiterate is not a girly scream. Alex is quickly at my side with her hand on my shoulder.

"Olivia, will you at least wait till they put you on the heavy drugs." She says, and the tone of her voice has shifted to a more playful one than before.

"You know the drugs that make you tell everyone you love them" Alex points and me and lets out a small laugh.

Oh Alex if you only knew that that I love you was from my heart and the depths of my soul.

"Alex, listen…I" But of course before I can apologize or admit anything, the doctor walks in.

"Here are some heavy meds for our heroic Detective. Try and make sure she gets some rest. It might be good for her intestines to stay inside her body for a little while. I'm not sure, but that might help her recover."

I roll my eyes at Doctor Obvious, and Alex just nods her head. I immediately take the drugs from Alex and pop one of the pills. Usually, I hate being drugged up because it makes me feel extremely vulnerable, but the pain in my side is mega excruciating, and also I feel like I can let my guard down around Alex.

We make it out to Alex's car, and I immediately feel the effects of the drugs. I get the loopy smile, which is now a mixture of the 'Alex smile' and the drug induced smile.

"You doing okay, over there?" Alex asks me, as she turns her head toward me.

I give her the patented Benson half-smile, and as I open my mouth, some drool falls out. Great, I just drooled on ADA Alexandra Cabot. So instead of replying, I simply nod.

This time we make it all the way into Alex's apartment. She helps me onto the couch, and then puts my bag into the guest bedroom. While she is in the guest bedroom, the phone rings, and without even thinking, which is what I do best on drugs, I grab the phone, and slur and "sHelloo." Instantly the caller hangs up the phone, and I fall back into the comfortable couch.

The next time I open my eyes, it is much darker outside. I look down, and I am lying on Alex's couch, with the covers over me. Alex is sitting in a comfy looking chair, with her glasses on, looking sexy as hell. She must be looking over a brief.

I manage to squeak out:

"I thought you had taken a few days off"

She looks up and immediately smiles, my God that smile could make a man or women forget they were about to have lethal injection.

"Well, Detective, some of us still need to work on our time off. Getting shot did not seem to slow you down on arresting perps." She winks at me.

And with that she folds up her file, and places it in her briefcase. She moves to the kitchen, and I hear her shout:

"Are you hungry?" Then she peeks her head out from the kitchen.

"I could eat, but to be honest, my throat is dry as hell. Could I get some water?"

I hear banging, and then running water. I hear a slam, and then a few curse words. She runs over to me on the couch.

"I am so sorry Olivia. I should have known that you would be thirsty. The doctor said the meds would give you cotton-mouth."

I look at her flustered form, and give her a loopy smile.

"S'okay Al. No worries man" Wow these drugs make me feel like a Rastafarian Jamaican man.

"I am just not used to taking care of someone else. When I was little, I had this hamster, and I was not very good at taking caring of it. I would forget about it and not clean its cage. The hamster ending up committing suicide by sticking it's head out of its cage and twisting its head then pulling its head back into the cage. For God's sake, my own hamster committed suicide. If I can't take care of a lousy hamster, how the hell do I expect to take care of …"

I cut her off before she can finish, even though her rambling and hamster story are completely adorable, she looks flustered and genuinely scared.

"Al. First off, I am not a hamster. Second, my gun is locked up at my house, thereby preventing me from committing suicide. And letter C…what were we talking about?" I question her with my goofy drug grin.

She looks over at me, and she begins to laugh, and then I join in laughing, which then turns in to me screaming again because of the pain. I swear, ask anyone, it is not a girly scream. Alex runs over to my side with my water she was holding captive during her hamster story, and my medication.

"Here take this, and try to sleep for a little longer. I'll be up for awhile, so I will fix you something to eat later."

I close my eyes and swiftly fall asleep.

The next time I wake up, it is because the phone is ringing. Again, the recently shot and re-stitched dumb cop swiftly moves to answers the phone, which causes some excruciating pain, which results in my answering the phone with a grunt.

"Hello" The phone line is dead before the first syllable of 'Hello' is uttered. I shrug, and Alex walks into the room wearing the cutest pair of pajamas.

"Who was that?" She questions. I just shrug again.

"Hey will you help me sit up, this position is really starting to hurt my back?" I question Alex, and she is quickly by my side. With minimal pain to my side and with Alex's help I manage to side up on the couch.

Alex plops down beside me on the couch, and turns on the T.V and at this point my body has completely absorbed all the drugs that have been pumped through my system. Let's just say, to put it mildly, I was super drugged up! I think the last time I had eaten was breakfast at the Stabler's, which had to at least twelve hours ago. Yeah for meds!!

I look over at Alex, and before my mind can stop me, I say, "So did it hurt?"

She looks at me completely bewildered, and replies "Did what hurt, Detective?"

I then continue this ridiculous conversation by replying, with this devious grin on my face "Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven?"

She looks at me with the face that is a cross between wanting to laugh, and wanting to be offended. But instead of stopping there, I continue with my endeavor. I lean over, and I proceed to grab the tag in the back of her shirt, and say, "Yep, made in heaven."

She is now laughing hysterically, and this only eggs me on.

"I lost my number, can I have yours?"

When she catches her breath from laughing, she looks at me and asks, "What kind of drugs _do_ they have you on?"

I just shrug my head. The air is filled with tension, but it is the good kind of tension that usually ends up with both parties being sufficiently satisfied, if you are catching my drifts. Sexual tension.

Alex clears her throat, and then asks if she can help me get to bed. As she tries to help me off the couch, I feel a shooting pain in my side, and slump back down with a slight whimper. Not a scream this time, but a pitiful whimper none the less.

"On second thought, the couch is really comfortable." I tell her, and she looks at me with sad eyes.

"Are you sure you are going to be okay out here?" Alex's asks, and her eyes are now looking at me with pity.

"Alex, please don't pity me. I made a choice to protect you, and I would gladly do it again even if the consequences were greater."

This time it is Alex who simply nods her head. She says goodnight, and does not look me in the eyes. Damn this is completely disheartening. I know she feels something for me, but I think she is uncertain. She laughs with me, but at the same time she is nervous around me. I don't know what to do or how to handle this. I decided that tonight I will not solve this particular problem, and I attempt to fall asleep.

I am awoken again by a loud ringing, and once again I answer the phone. This time the curt voice on the other end asks for Alex.

"ALLIE!!" I scream in my barely coherent voice.

Alex runs into the living room. Her hair is in a loose ponytail, and there is still sleep in her eyes.

"Liv, Liv. Are you okay? What's wrong sweetie?" And there it is again. She called me sweetie. I shake the phone at her, and she grabs the offending piece of technology that has awoken her and I from our much-needed slumbers.

"Hello" She speaks into the phone.

I can't hear the other side of the conversation because Alex has moved into her bedroom, but her door is ajar; so I can hear her side.

"Mother, she is a colleague, and one of my detectives!"

"No mother. No absolutely not"

"She saved my life for God's sake. I am just repaying the favor"

"Yes, I know what it would do to my career"

"Mother you're jumping to conclusions. We are just friends."

"I have to go now. Mother, we are just friends"

Alex slams the phone down on her bedroom dresser. She then proceeds to come out of the bedroom. I quickly pretend to be sleeping.

"Oh, Olivia, why does this have to be so complicated. I'm sorry." She says quietly before slipping back into her bedroom.

As I lie on Alexandra Cabot's couch, I vow to myself that I will not make her life any more complicated. I love her, but I can't push her into feelings she is clearly scared to feel. If I only get to love Alex as a friend then that is what I will do. Damn it! I hate that I love her so much that I would sacrifice my happiness for hers.

Before I fall asleep, I again whisper to no one "I love you Alex" but this time unbeknownst to me Alex is whispering "I love you Olivia" to no one as well.


	6. Chapter 6

Yeah Updates!! Thank you all for reading The Life You Save Might Be Your Own. I love reviews, and honesty is greatly appreciated. The more reviews the faster I can type. This chapter might not be as full of humor as the others, but please bare with me. I am almost sure I know where I want this story to go. Anyway, let's go on with the show.

The Life You Save Might Be Your Own

Chapter 6

A/O

I own nothing, not even my dignity.

I woke up to this annoying knocking sound, and that knocking sound had transformed my dream of Alex into a strangely erotic hammer hitting a nail. Wow I should really stop watching the Do it Yourself Network before bedtime. I will only perpetuate the lesbian stereotype if I learn to build a house by myself. Honestly, I can barely replace a light bulb without shocking the shit out of myself.

As I groggily try to pull myself off the couch, a key slides into the lock, and Elliot appears in front of the couch with a bag of what I will assume is bagels and two coffees.

"Oh thank God" I say to him as he pulls out the still warm bagel

"Sorry you are mistaken, not God, just Elliot" He quirkily replies. Well at least one of us is chipper this morning.

I greedily grab the bagel and coffee, and then sit back down on the couch.

"So…" Elliot says as he shyly looks at me.

"So…what?" I reply irritably.

"Have you talked to her yet?" Elliot quickly moves from his position on the couch to the kitchen for some cream for the coffee.

"What am I supposed to say Elliot? Sorry I left in the middle of the night with only a note to tell you were I was, and sorry I haven't made so much as eye contact with you in two weeks." I angrily reply. I get up from the couch too quickly and wince a little. Damn that bullet, and in the end I didn't even get the girl. I walk toward the bedroom. I am determined to go back to active duty today, which means no more pain pills, and I sure as hell can't show Elliot any signs of weakness.

"Where are you going?" Elliot asks in a concerned tone.

"I have to piss El, and then get ready for work want to come with me" I snidely reply.

I instantly regret getting angry with Elliot. He hasn't done anything. In fact, no one has done anything. I should have known that Alex wasn't interested in me. I am mad at myself more than anything for once again letting my guard down temporarily. Girls suck donkey balls. Big hairy donkey balls. I am interrupted from my donkey balls musing by Elliot yelling through my bathroom door.

"Olivia, did you fall in the toilet? Because if you did I might be persuaded throw you a lifesaver, if you apologize for the way you've been acting this morning toward me." Elliot again in a chipper tone yells.

I open the door of the bathroom dressed for work and ready to take my mind off of Alex, that is until she shows up at the precinct and tries to talk to me.

After the phone conversation I heard between Alex and her mother, I bolted. And since that night, I have skillfully avoided Alex. I just don't want to have to explain why I felt the need to leave in the middle of the night. I panicked. Clear and simple. I clumsily through my pants on, and ran out of her apartment. I let my guard down with Alex, and I let her take care of me. I blatantly flirted with her only to later find out that she has no romantic interest in me. Thus consequently, since that night, Alex has tried to talk to me on several occasions, but I blew her off or completely avoided her.

"Liv…LIV!" I instantly snap out of my self-pitying thoughts, and look up at my grinning partner.

"You're thinking about her again, aren't you?" Damn the Alex smile, even when I am deep in self-pitying that woman makes me smile.

"Elliot, please can't we just go to work" I plead with my partner. He nods his head, and we make our way into the world.

I shake my head toward the sky, I really though I had a chance with Alex, and I honestly thought she felt the same love for me I still feel for her. I think to myself it could be worse, and then of course it starts raining. Of course it starts raining, God hates me.

Several Hours Later:

After that night at Alex's and this first case back after being shot, I am almost positive I can definitely prove God hates me. I mean I could logically set up a proof showing that God hates Olivia Benson.

A little girl in foster care, who has lost everything, is being abused by her foster father. Elliot and I are dispatched to the foster home after the neighbors reported shouting. We made it there before the uni's. This case is no different from the dozens of cases that pass through these halls day after day, but what is different for me is, I caught the son-of-a-bitch about to rape this little four-year-old girl. I pulled him off of her, and I held her in my arms as she cried for everything she had lost.

After a few minutes of her crying, I realized I was crying too. What I didn't realize was that I had not knocked the bastard unconscious, and he consequently fled the scene. I knew I was going to be berated by the captain for not taking the perp down first, but I inexplicably had been drawn to this little girl. I could not leave her side. I pick her up, and by know I have learned her name is Sophia. We head toward the precinct.

I am lying in the beds in the crash room with Sophia sleeping gently in my arms. I hear a small knock on the door, and the other object of my affection slowly and timidly enters the room. Alex looks so beautiful. God I miss just talking to her, and of course I also miss staring down at her cleavage when she bends over, but more importantly I have missed our friendship. I gently move Sophia from my lap, and stand up to finally face the music and talk to Alex.

I begin to talk, when Alex quiets me.

"So did it hurt" I am confused by her opening sentence.

"Did what hurt Al?" I question her with my brows furrowed. Slipping and calling her by the nickname I use in my head during my internal fantasies.

"When you fell from heaven Olivia Benson because surely you are an angel in disguise." She replies staring directly into my eyes.

"I so sorry for leaving in the middle of the night." And finally after two week of avoiding her and the situation, it is all on the table.

She motions toward the doors, and we walk outside so we don't disturb Sophia.

"It's okay Olivia, it kind of reminded me of all the other relationships I have had in the past. You know…person takes a bullet for you and then stays at your house to recuperate only to escape of the first day of recuperation. Story of my life."

Okay, what do I say to that? I am completely baffled. I guess it showed because Alex is slightly smirking at me.

"I'm kidding Olivia. I admit I was hurt by your abrupt departure, but I understand wanting your own space to regenerate. What I don't understand is you avoiding me for the past two weeks. Now that is just down right shitty."

I snicker when I hear Alex say shitty.

"First a truck, and now you are cursing. What's next chewing tobacco?" I say to Alex. She smiles, and suddenly my world shifts slightly back on kilter.

"I just wanted to help you after the shooting" Alex says, and looks at me with hurt eyes.

"I felt like a burden to you Alex. Alex…" I stutter. I need to lie now. I need a good lie. Um I thought your mom might come over and kill me in my sleep won't work. "I was just in the right place at the right time preventing you from being shot. It's not like I pulled you out of a burning building or something. You didn't owe me anything."

"You always do that you know." Alex replies

"What?" I quizzically ask.

"Say your attempted shooting or something else that deflects from the fact that you were the one who was shot."

"Alex I was just doing my job."

Alex looks down at her feet, and I get the feeling I said something wrong. Girls are so hard to read sometimes.

"Olivia just go down stairs, and get the sandwich I left on your desk. There is food for Sophia as well. I know from Elliot that you haven't eaten since this morning." I can tell for her statement she doesn't want to talk anymore about that night.

"What time is it?" I ask with pure honesty in my voice.

"6:30"

I look at Alex with a stunned expression.

"I guess all those heavy meds, really did mess with your brain Benson."

"Ha Ha" I through over my shoulder as I walk down to my desk.

I look at Elliot, who is grinning again. I really want to slap that grin off of his face. I don't like happy people. They smile too much, and they are always happy. I miss my meds, they made me happy, at least the pretend drugged up happy.

"You called her." It is not a question, but an accusation. Elliot slowly nods his head and awaits his punishment.

"Thanks El." That is all I say before grapping mine and Sophia's food and heading back up to Alex, and the sleeping child.

I can barely make out Elliot say, "You deserve to be happy, you both do." He and his meddling wife are going to be the death of me. Just like the villain from Scooby Doo, I feel the urge to scream out 'YOU MEDDLING KIDS," but I resist the urge. As I reach the top of the stairs, I hear sniffling. I quickly go into the room I left Sophia in.

I should have never left her alone, not even for a second. As I walk into the room, I notice Alex is cradling Sophia and stroking her hair.

"Whoever told you that you weren't the mothering or caring type lied to you sweetheart." I say to Alex, who quickly looks up in my direction.

"I think she had a bad dream, but she's okay now, right sweetie" Alex does not comment on my observation. She gently strokes Sophia's hair, and then asks the girl if she his hungry. The tiny girl slowly nods her head.

I take the food out to the table, and Sophia and I both devour our food.

"So, did my girls like their sandwiches?" Alex asks.

We both nod, and the comment is not lost on me. Alex called me her girl. If I were another type of girl, I would be giddy with delight, but I am not that type of girl. Yes, sometime I shriek when a giant bug gets in my apartment, but other than that, I am not the type of girl that gets giddy. I filed her comment away in the back of my brain to process later.

"Thank you Alex." I clear my throat before I continue. "Do you think we could start over and be friends again? I feel pretty shi..bad about the past few weeks." Tiny ears in the room, I remind myself. God, I have a goddamn dirty mouth sometimes.

Alex only nods her head, and says all is forgiven. She starts to leave, but then slowly turns around kisses Sophia on the top of the head, and says to me "Just promise to never use those pick up lines on me again, and I'll call it even." I chuckle and nod. After that she leaves, and instantly me heart aches with her absence. Don't let anyone tell you taking a bullet for a girl will make her fall for you because trust me it hurts like hell, and you don't even get a kiss for your troubles.

Social Services comes mere hours later to pick up Sophia, and I quietly let her go even though my heart is slowly being broken. Sophia, for her part, leaves willingly. She has been forced to grow up too quick. This child is so broken.

The next few weeks, I focus on rebuilding my relationship with Alex. It is easier than thinking about Sophia getting lost in the system. I keep the mentality I had before the attempted shooting on Alex, if friendship is all I can have it is better than nothing at all. I really do think of it in terms of her attempting shooting, and not my own shooting. I wonder why. Oh yeah because Alex makes me forget I was shoot. Crap, I really love this woman, but I can't ask her to sacrifice things for me. She deserves the best life possible, and I am not even sure her life with me would be decent. I am kind of fucked up.

I periodically call and check up on Sophia. I called today, and found out that she still has not been replaced in foster care, and in fact, she is living in a group home. I wish there was something…

Twenty minutes later, I arrive at Alex's doorstep. I knock, and wait impatient for her to answer the door. Finally it opens.

"Move in with me" I blurt out before I can let Alex in on what's going through my head.

Before I can say anything else a blonde woman with streaks of gray in her hair moves past Alex, but not before saying "I will be calling you about this later."

I am stunned speechless. I look to Alex with sheer terror written on my face, whereas she on the other hand, look cool calm and collected.

"Liv, have you dipped into your heavy meds again?" Alex asks me, and by now she seems unfazed by my unusual behavior, and the fact that her clearly conservative mother has seen her being asked to move in with a butchy cop. I have entered the twilight zone. This is really freaky, but I let my excitement take over.

"Alex, I have the most scathingly brilliant idea." I tell her as she lets me into her apartment.

"Have you been watching the Trouble with Angels again? Honey you know you're not Hailey Mills right?" She smiles at me.

"Alex, move in with me." I ask her again.

"Why? Is this another pick up line because I thought you promised." She asks with this rather strange look on her face, and if I had to pinpoint it, I would say it was hope.

"I want to adopt Sophia, but I can't do it alone. I need your help Al" I slip again and call her Al, but I am just too excited.

"Whoa, slow down Liv, don't you think you should ask me out first?" She laughs then looks at me.

"Fuck you are serious aren't you" She looks at me surprised.

"Language Alex, you have a pretty fucking filthy mouth." She laughs, but then stares at my eyes.

"I have no fucking clue how this is going to work, but okay. Let's go adopt us a kid." She answers with the cute southern twang.

I am almost positive I have made Alex's and mine situation a hundred times more complicated, but when she said 'Let's go adopt us a kid' nothing else seemed to matter, and for a little while I let myself be one of those happy people.


	7. Chapter 7

Thank you for all the reviews, and your patience for my lack of updates. I truly apologize, but my summer for unbelievably hectic. I will try and update as much as possible, but my schedule is extremely full. Moving past the excuses, and on to the long awaited (at least I hope so) update of The Life You Save Might Be Your Own.

PLEASE REVIEW!!

I own nothing (Damn you DICK!!)

Chapter 7

We really should have thought this through. I mean, I really should have thought this through. Adopting a kid with the woman you are in love with is a beautiful thing, if that woman actually has feelings for you that are not purely platonic. Yet here I stand in the middle of my apartment with Alex freaking Cabot decorating it with her stuff.

"Olivia"

"Liv!!"

I hear Alex calling from the guest room, which has now been turned into a child's room, but I am unable to pull myself from my thoughts. How in the hell did I get myself into this mess? I am hoping my mind thinks that that was a rhetorical question, but instead as if on cue, it answers "Because you jumped in front of a bullet for her. Oh yeah, and you love her." God sometimes I just wish I could turn my brain off. "No you don't" Who said that? "I did dumbass" Who is I did? "Your brain and/or inner monologue."

Okay this cannot be a good sign. I am talking to myself. Just when I am debating with my inner monologue and/or brain, Alex walks in.

"Olivia didn't you hear me yelling. I need you to help me move the bed."

Just tell her my brain starts to scream. "Tell her this was a bad idea because you love her and could never have a platonic relationship with her, and it's killing you that you can't hold her in your arms."

"Shut up! Just shut up!!" I scream at my brain, but unfortunately I did not use my inside voice. I quickly look up to see a very upset Alex Cabot.

"Oh not you Al." I use my nickname to try and ease the tension.

"Well if not me then who. Liv are you having second thoughts about all this. I mean I know that this fake moving in seems pretty real, and I don't mean to cramp your style but we are trying to adopt Sophia and I know this is an awkward situation and I am not very good with children and what if they reject us…."

I cut off her ranting by grabbing her shoulders and making her look at me.

"I promise I am not having second thoughts" Liar!! Just be honest with her.

"Okay maybe I am having second thoughts but not for the reasons you think. I just…"

Elliot Stabler I will kill you one of these days, and make you pay for every interrupted moment you have made me endure. I flip open my phone.

"Yes, can I help you El."

"Sorry is this a bad time are you in the middle or on top of something or someone"

I turn my head from Alex and give her a nod that says both I'm sorry and I swear I'm not crazy. I hope both messages got conveyed correctly. I turn again in time to see Alex's retreating form. Why do I always screw up everything?

"No El. I'm not busy. Why?"

"Well there's this lady from social services asking about you and Cabot"

"Shit! She's already there. Okay did you say anything yet?" Oh please Elliot don't have said anything inappropriate or weird.

"I just told her that you have been in love with Cabot since the moment she strutted into the station. So in other words I was completely honest with her. But if you don't mind me asking have I been asleep in a cave for a hundreds years like Rip Van Winkle, and did you and Cabot get domestic partnered. Did you use one of your famous pick up lines because Kathy said they really are very sexy coming out of your mouth."

"No, but I think your wife is secretly in love with me."

"Well stop hitting on her and being nice to her. You're spoiling her."

"Damn it El this really isn't the time to talk about your inadequacies. I meant to tell you, but with all the moving I honestly forget." Which was probably the dumbest thing I have ever done. I hope this is not going to screw my chances of getting Sophia.

"Moving? Where are you moving?"

"Umm…Not me El"

"Holy crap!! I owe Kathy forty bucks now. Jesus Liv! Do you have to be so lesbian all the time!? That U-haul thing really moves fast"

"No Elliot Stabler that is not what's happening. I am trying to adopt Sophia. With Cabot." I try to stay professional when saying her name, but secretly my heart melts.

"I still don't get it. Spell it out for me and let me perpetuate the big dumb cop stereotype."

"Elliot using the word perpetuate does not help you with trying to play dumb!" I yell at Elliot over the phone.

"Olivia is everything okay" Alex is once again yelling from the guest room.

I cover the phone and yell back. "Yeah. Sorry, the social service lady showed up before I could warn the boys." Alex then practically runs into the room completely distraught.

Before she can say anything, I put my hand on her cheek. "It's okay. El is covering." And from that simple comment and simple touch she settles down. Nodding her head she retreats back into the bedroom.

"El, Alex and I are faking being a couple in an attempt to try and adopt Sophia. It was the only way I could think of."

"Are you fucking crazy!!" Elliot screams into the phone.

"Whoa, calm down cowboy. I know what I am doing. Sortof. I think. Okay I was a lot more confident before she moved in and you started yelling."

"Wait she moved in with you for real. I was mostly kidding before. Liv this is going to be complicated. Where will she sleep? Better question who will she be sleeping with?'

This are some very good questions that I have not let myself think about. "I'm not sure yet. She kept her apartment, and most of her stuff in it, which we will tell the social worker is because the apartment was her father's. And it actually was, so we won't be lying. And Sophia will probably need someone to sleep with her the first few nights. And you know what this really isn't any of your business…"

"Whoa slow down Liv. I completely understand. Though I was there when my children were born, I completely understand the instant bond you have with them. Sophia is yours in every sense of the word. I watched you two together, and though she may not be blood she's your family. And for what its worth so is Alex."

"Thanks El. Anyway, I need to you to stall for me with the social worker, and tell her we are on our way. Hopefully Munch can smell the conspiracy a mile away and lie for us."

"For the record Olivia, I am pretty sure most of the squad just assumed you don't like to air your personal life. So everyone just assumes you never told us about you and Cabot."

"Great now Munch is going to want to know how she is in bed. El, I got to go. We'll be there soon. Thanks again."

"Not a problem, mom"

Mom. Wow that is a really scary word. That word had such a different meaning for me for so long. I hope that meaning can change, and I can really be a mom to Sophia. I am terrified of turning into my mother. I turn around and Alex is standing behind me with this loving look on her face, and before I say anything she says, "You are going to make a great mother Liv. Don't worry, I believe in you."

What have I gotten myself into?


	8. Chapter 8

Sorry again for the long update period. I am having a little bit of writers block, so every once in a while I have to have my girlfriend yell at me so that I can write.

Alex and Olivia!!

I don't own a damn thing except for Sophia and Liv's snarky personality.

I love reading all your lovely reviews. Please continue!

Chapter 8

What the hell have I gotten myself into?

I am sitting across from the social worker from hell, Linda Hobbes, who if I remember correctly is the same Linda Hobbes I pulled over for excessive speeding when I was a uni. Oh why do I remember this woman you ask, well she tried to solicit me into not giving her a ticket, and when I gently turned her down, she yelled at me for discriminating against her. I mean come on, me discriminating against her. I am a least a hundred-footer lesbian if not a two hundred footer. Come on, the short boy cut, the confident swagger, the leather jacket, and let's not forget my entire wardrobe!

Okay time to turn on the Benson charm. I turn toward Alex and give her a gentle and reassuring smile. This is going to work. This has to work.

"So I see you and Miss Cabot have just recently filed domestic partnership in the state of New York, is that correct?" The creature from the black lagoon asks.

"Yeah, well me and the lady here decided to make it official in order to make this process go a little easier." I try to respond as causally as possible.

Alex then jumps in "Well actually, I have been trying to get Olivia here to make an official commitment for a while, and when she meet Sophia, we both knew is was time" She punctuates her statement by gently kissing me on the cheek.

God I love this woman!! She kissed me. She kissed me, and in my head I do a little happy dance (you know the robot one). Suddenly I remember the circumstances of the kiss, and it sucks that I have to remember that the kiss is part of the act. Damn it! Damn it to hell! I just want her to love me, but right now this is not about me, this is about Sophia. I plaster on the Benson goofy grin, and smile back at Alex.

The dragon in high heals again begins to speak "Hmm…when did you two meet?"

Alex jumps into this answer, and I really wish we had practiced some answers because the dinosaur of a woman is looking very skeptical toward us.

"Actually we meet on the job. I am the ADA for SVU, and I fell in love with Liv the first time I saw her comforting a rape victim. She has this quiet strength about her that is just impossible not to fall for."

Wow that was really sweet, but Sasquatch isn't buying it. Jesus this woman can really hold a grudge. Well I did arrest her, so yeah I guess she can.

I try to interject a little humor into the situation hoping that it will make the Wicked Witch of the East lighten up. "Actually honey, we meet in a bar, and I asked if you had a mirror in your pocked or if I could just see myself in your pants" Awesome, I have been saving that one for like ever. I look over at the Loch Ness Monster to hopefully see her laughing, but she is scaling and writing something down. Damn it Benson, and your inappropriate timing!!

Alex nervously laughs beside me, and punches me in the arm. Jesus that woman has some serious upper arm strength. Like freakishly strong. Aw. Shit that is going to leave a mark. "Spousal abuse! No really I'm kidding." Great no one is laughing again, and everyone looks extremely awkward. I always tend to do that to people.

"No seriously, I'm kidding. I feel hard for Alex the day she came into the 1-6, and said 'Hi, I'm Alex Cabot your ADA.' And I still can't help myself from falling every time I see her or hear her voice." Great recovery Benson, and just as I am thinking that, Alex leans over and kisses me on the lips. The lips, my friends, not a peck on the cheek or a brush against the forehead, but the lips. Robot dance recommencing!!

"There's that goofy Benson smile I have grown to love" Alex says nonchalantly like she sees it everyday. Oh wait, she probably does. Crap does everyone have to know about the goofy Benson/ Alex smile!!

"Alright, I have a few more questions, and then this preliminary check will be over, and we will then be checking your home for suitability for a child. Granted that would still be a temporary arrangement to see how the child adjusts" Count Dracula states.

"Which side of the bed do you sleep on?"

"Right"

"Right"

Crap.

I quickly recover and say, "It's hard not to snuggle up close to her so we basically just sleep on one side. You know New York and tiny apartments the bed barely has two sides. Ha Ha" I end laughing nervously. She just makes this 'smelling poo poo face similar to Teal'c on Stargate' and continues to write.

"Miss Cabot, why have you retained your domicile?"

"Well, it was my father's and I did not want to give it up, and it also gives me space to be able to do some work, and keep it away from Sophie. She has already be traumatized enough without my cases adding to that."

Nice answers Al. We might have a chance after all.

"One last question" The Boogey Monster says. "How does Miss Cabot take her coffee?"

I quickly respond without even thinking. "Two sugars, and a little bit of milk. Not cream because she doesn't like the taste, which is funny because I can't really taste the difference." Alex is looking at me like I have grown a third boob. I look down at my chest, and I am quickly relived to see just the two of them.

Rosemary's baby quickly stands up, and begins to exist the interview room we have been using as a makeshift office. "I will be coming by your residence tomorrow around noon." She turns to leave, but not before saying, "Well Detective, I guess it was just me you rejected and not my lifestyle" Ouch.

Oh god please let me get this kid. I turn quickly to Lady Hobbes and say, "I know we have a past, and I will no apologize for performing my duty as an officer of the law, but I love that kid Ms. Hobbes. More than I love myself, and she needs me…us," I look to Alex and see a confused but loving smile on her face.

"We'll be in touch" Is all she says as she leaves the station. Damn, Foreigner should write a song called 'Cold Blooded'. She's Cold blooded. Check it and see. She's got a temperature of 93.

I turn to Alex, who has an adorable concerned look on her face.

"So what the hell was that about?" She questions me.

"Well let's just say she solicited an officer of the law, and I turned her down."

Alex stares into space for a minute before calmly replying, "Well yeah even you wouldn't date the creature from the black lagoon. I mean come on. Everyone knows you like leggy blondes."

I do a double take as she brushes past me. Did Alex Cabot just flirt with me? What did I get myself into?


End file.
